i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I think I just sharted jello shots
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
