i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
