is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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