there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
