Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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