Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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