Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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