i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
dude i'm inner monologue high
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
