you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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