He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
