I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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