wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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