i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
