i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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