Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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