I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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