i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I have already put on my inside pants.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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