Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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