The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
