the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
babies were throwing up all over the place
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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