I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
