I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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