Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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