i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
