I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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