He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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