So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
