i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
