So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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