I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
