I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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