True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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