Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
