oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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