Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
