Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
