Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
