while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
