I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I don't deserve a penis
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
