My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
