alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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