you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
