I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
