peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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