Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
