i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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