Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Randomize
