worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
