i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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