I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
