Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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