Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
