Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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