he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Randomize
