Soap is not a condiment
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
