Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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